Its dark all over again but Never say NEVER

Faded out into the light. I am sinking in behind the time. when I am supposed to be working the best that I can do after that disaster in my so called stomy life. I was watching the world change, and its to late to realize that I am just starin and doing nothing. Wondering what took this heart so long to mend and forgive, my bitterness still keeping my one foot under the earth.

 

 

I spent a real good quality time with my son yesterday, until the end of the day I found him longing for his dad and not calling me mommy anymore. No more sweet hugs  from him, no more kiss and no more sweet smile from him. What hurt the most is "He my sun and my stars", the hope to keep me moving and stand up against the gravity of unfurtunate career and family life. He is the greatest dream and best ever happened to me.

 

But now, I am just a visitor.

 

welcome me again to the real world of pain. I am laughing out loud yesterday while fooling myself and trying to say "Hey Vianca!! Move on and take what life is offering you. This is the reality, stop dreaming awake"

 

Actually, I don't want to be the worst me. I am seeking for the tomorrow and that everything will be alright. This is not what I been chasing for rest of my life. But I need to face it ALONE. And until one day. Maybe, who knows.

 

Those were the days, I am a real  mom. Now, the name who fill in the line above the word "MOther"  in his birth certificate. I was praying this thing will change. like he'll treat right. He'll hug so warm. He'll hug me so tight. Oh No..  I lose control and  i cant stop the rain to fall.

 

since last year, I can see a little light of hope but now its dark all over again.

 

HANDBOOK FOR 2009

Health:
1.      Drink plenty of water.
2.      Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a
beggar.
3.      Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food
         that is manufactured in plants.
4..     Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5.      Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6.      Play more games.
7.      Read more books than you did in 2008.
8.      Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9.      Sleep for 7 hours.
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes’ walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11.    Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their
         journey is all about.
12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
         Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13.    Don't overdo.. Keep your limits.
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake.
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her
         mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
        Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade
        away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25.    Call your family often.
26.    Each day give something good to others.
27.    Forgive everyone for everything.
28.    Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business.
31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will.
         Stay in touch.

Life:
32.    Do the right thing!
33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34.    GOD heals everything.
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37.    The best is yet to come.
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39.    Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40.    Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

I have to Define my purpose

I was busy searching and waiting for what’s out there for me. Working for this company to this company (I was like doin a company hopping and I better do bar hopping instead K). I hate what’s really happening, now I found out I have no clear purpose at all. Losing lots of things/people I treasure the most make my stubbornness worst. Guess what I am like “I have to DO this and take this” or “ grab this and do a trial and error”. Nah, Not again I’m wondering Where am I going. The long wait is f****** annoying, and I’m getting old urrgg.

 

I am now an EASY GO UNLUCKY. Hey, I’m alone not having somebody to talk with all the time makes my coconut dull. I read a lot but my heads simple logic is not working.. come on. I hate this.

Friendship could mean pain

 I wanted to cherished good old friends when it turned out to be they wanted me out of their lives. I rather say okay I’ll stay out of your way. Okay I'll be there when asked and will not interrupt when  u don’t want me to.

 

I say I am sure I’m good when it comes to people I love and worst to people asked my worst.

Day 08: I have To decide

I'm in a hurry and been looking for job to earn. Two and a half hour at the lobby waiting for my final interview at 2am. I was sleepy and still decided to stay for a one process job interview. I was expecting thing will work out right. Sometimes I have this few regret of my decision on giving up on a job offer coz of graveyard shift, but still here I am trying out a nice shift sched Data ANalyst job post.

At around 3:30 am. The company offered a job order and/but contractual base only( for two months). My says I might like tryin this again. I am so sure i wanted to. I will start on 19th day of May and was thinking (this might be his gift.. let me try again this time).

SO I plurked about it. I have a job a day before my birthday but still I am UNDECIDED.

Arrived home at 4:00am and hit the cozy sheets.

"What I have learned here is don't say you're okay while you're not sure..

Wish me Luck,

Day 07: 80% of A Change Depends on Me

Boarding House.

I woke up 9 in the morning with hangover.

And Decided to clean my room and made some changes and design.for a change.

My fraternity brother treat me for dinner in good better best "good burger"

Was so blessed having him in my life. One of the best gift this year.

I been thinking too much and been plurking a lot today. On line friends and true friends makes me feel better than being bitter with my unfortunate situation with career and family.

I have one job interview on monday.. at 9PM.. its kinda weird having interview at night but I need to give it a try. 80% of my life was really defends on me.

"Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or by the handle"
– James Russell Lowell

Day 06: Drunk and Disturbed

Tunasan, Muntinlupa/ Sentro, Madison Squares
Aimee's Birthday

So It's mom and son's day today. We had lots of fun, we paint, play, wrestle and we fight (had just a little argument about my son's little pride)
It's good to feel having him in my life inspite of the distance and complication.


Then around 7 have to leave for aimee's birthday. Reach the Sentro Bar at Madison's Square at 830pm.
My friends Cerah, Tj, Aimee, Lorraine, ico, sir Ely, Boris and Coy from USAP marketing was there too. Celebrating Coy's birthday.

I'm so happy seeing those few good people in my life and it's one of the best gift this year.

I consumed 5 strong ice, 9 shots margarita in different flavors and 5 shots of badtrip. I do't wanna reached my limit.

Penny asked me to come over and join them. So glad she still remember my name and manage to call me in middle of the crowd. Mr Curls was there too, asking me to stay a little more. ahaha.

I received my first gift for my 25th birthday,a pink sexy undies from maricar.