a talk, a prayer

things been rough lately.

I was numb that i don't know what things to feel. I need more time to talk to myself, to think and decide what to do with my life. I was so unsure and can't even define what else needs a focus. I can't move on, or Maybe a bit but even I work on it all over again it will not take an effect that much. If I continue to pretend and chase the time as I was running away from myself I might lose on the track and missed the most of the journey.

I drowned myself to music that even I lost my phone I still craved for an ipod or MP3 player. I even join the guys in their band rehearsal just to refrain myself from thinking to much alone. I was so like a wind passes by, without planning ahead , without knowing where else to go.

I asked somebody to accompany me when I need a listener. But, guess what I end up losing my faith to love.
I pray to God, that If one day He'll permit me to have all the chances so I can do the things right and not be the loser again. Regret might be the first thing that I must own but this time its different. I wanna make that mistake a proof that I was strong enough to scream out what I really wanted.

All I wanna do is to focus on myself and stand up firmly, I want to spend a night or two along in beach resort or nature park. I wanna heal this emptiness and pains I been through. I wanna get ready to whatever this life take me.

I even pray to God to keep my son safe and healthy. I Pray for His guidance and patience all along. I wanna ask Him to be there for me always. I ask Him forgiveness for all the mistakes and pains I've caused to Him and to others. I wanna ask Him to make that archer fell in love to the princess, coz they both deserves a great love.

I ask him to take good care of ex so he'll survive the pain I've given.

I might seldom talk to YOU. It took lots of courage to speak up. Though I believe YOU will always listen.