the water around my island

indeed, family means a lot, it said that family is the core value of a person. your home is your first school, your mom and dad are your first teachers and your sibling was your first classmate. they're your first best friends, first enemies and definitely your first love.

when the world turned upside down and let you stumble to nowhere, you can run to only your family. you have them since first day on earth and you expect them to know you, understand you and support you.

i can say i have loved my mom, my papa, nissan, dayet, john and jap-jap so much. so much that i can't even say NO to what ever request they asked for. i listen, i support, i talk, i laugh and i play with them. i am willing to give everything that i can.

it just that i dont have anything to give right now. i don't have any money to help and support. i don't have job to help.

i been struggling for five months now, trying to survive this shit alone. can't have meals three times a day, can't go to interview invitation and don't have enough to pay my bills. and whenever I tried to reach for my family's hands to keep on hold. i realized i am so fucking alone.

they said that i am better misunderstood and i don't have to expect any support from them.

i just asked for little time for me to search new job. i asked for a little time to take good care of my son cause i can't provide any needs if i don't earn. now i don't have family.

this hardship i am facing is just a part of the global crisis. i am suffering and my family can't understand. if i am so weak that even in this blog i'm unable to speak, you'll find me bleeding lifeless.

but i rather live alone.no one to turn but my self in an island. kay says you still have friends. yes i am so lucky to have non relative few good people around. to give me a hug whenever i asked for it. a grin and laughter when i choose to frown. they are the water around this island.

island view acrylic painting by caroline huff

U Save All Possibilities.. and now finally Im giving up on you

I was holding this hope in my hand as I watch you from afar
I am dreaming that one day you'll asked me back in your arms

I've never loved, I've never hurt like this and Never asked God so much
Being with you its like a dream come true

You're the sky that made me look up so often
You're the ground where I set my foot

You're my tomorrow and I can't wait for the fine new day
You're the yesterday but not the history

I keep the hold for five months

U Save All Possibilities.. and now finally Im giving up on you

Weaving Cobweb

I spent almost 15 hours of my day in front of my Dell Lat, searching job on line, working as freelancer, risking and learning more about SEO and sleeping late. I am bidding and dealing the professional side of blogging and on line marketing. I am sure I'm risking on my new career track: weaving spiderweb and spinning knowledge in wild World Wide Web.

It's more about earning money on line, more likely providing administrative service and Wordpress crunching data. It's about Basic Search Engine Optimization (social bookmarking, link building, page rank, PPC and the like). It's about internet.

I am new here but I am aggressive and optimistic that I can find my way to stand up again.
I am broke but this will not stop me from risking .
I am a little bit hopeless but I am hopeful enough for the fight.
Competence is expected but a challenge.
I wouldnt know what it feels like this if I wont try.
So I am trying.